Sorry For Smiling

You know what the problem is with being bubbly?

No one ever takes you seriously. You begin to get used to no one ever hearing any weight in your words so you intentionally take the weight out, because you might as well behave the way people expect you to.

You start noticing how much you talk, and start apologizing for all the words you constantly spout.

People make light and make fun of everything you do, but thats okay because you were being silly anyways.

Once in a while you say something gloomy or dark, people brush it off quickly because they aren’t used to you saying anything other than flowers and rainbows.

You start nit picking every movement, every outfit, every facial expression.

You try to dim your light, but it keeps sneaking through, and then you catch yourself being too bubbly again. You apologize for speaking too much, and the cycle repeats itself.

You lock yourself away where you can’t annoy anyone. You cry by yourself because people don’t know what to do when you’re upset.

You try to remain calm when you get excited, because it’s ridiculous to other people that you would be so excited about such little things.

All the while, you still remain bubbly, but you’re ashamed and apologetic for it.

I don’t know how to end this cycle. All I know is that I’m living in it.

I’m sorry if this post wasn’t an encouraging one, but you will probably just brush it off anyway.

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